Obnoxious Girl: "HITOMI GOTSUJI!"
We all turn our heads towards the girl who just barged in and yelled at us, and when I say "we all", I mean everyone in the classroom.
I know who she is, unfortunately I know her well. She is Kagami Hibari from 3-B, the president of the basket club. There is no doubt whom she came here for, she even yelled her name loudly enough for at least half of the school to hear.
How do I know her? Well... there's the fact that the ace of our female basket team happens to buzz around me all the time and therefore I more or less know all of her friends from the club. But more importantly, Hibari was one of my previous classmates, and the worse part is that she's Teramoto's sidekick number one.
For some reason we never really get along well and for a whole year we've been at each other throats. You can imagine my displeasure in seeing her here.
Hitomi: "Yo, Kagamin, what's the matter?"
Kagami: "Today is super special intensive training day! I came here to make sure you wouldn't forget!"
Hitomi: "Ugh... super special intensive training day?! Why can't we take it easy?"
Kagami: "Aaaah! I knew it! I knew it! You had forgotten it already!"
Hitomi: "It's not like I forgot, that's the first time I hear something like that..."
Kagami: "Uggaaah!! I told you yesterday during club! Did you listen to anything that I said?!"
There's no point in trying so hard to remember, Hitomi, you obviously didn't pat any attention to your club's president at all.
Hitomi: "What did we talk about yesterday again?"
Like I thought.
Kagami: "Why is that you never listen?! Never! Never! Never! Never! Never!"
Hitomi: "Anyway what's the super special intensive training for?"
You don't need to repeat that ridiculous list of random adjective each time.
Kagami: "Isn't it obvious?! We need to get back in super shape to impress our potential new recruits!"
Hitomi: "I'm already more than impressive as I am, I don't need to train."
Kagami: "I won't let that happen! You're my precious super ace of my super team! I'll make you even more super than you are! If I'd let you do what you want, you'd surely go in... super slacking off mode!"
I swear, if she says the word "super" again...
Hitomi: "Does that mean that we'll train until late? I don't want that, I have stuff to do after school."
Kagami: "We'll keep training until six o' clock!"
Hitomi: "No way!"
Kagami: "Uggaaah! Why not?! It's a very reasonable time to end club activities!"
Hitomi: "I want to get done with it by that time, and I need at least 15 minutes to take a shower and get dressed."
Kagami: "Fine! You can take your leave at 5:45!"
Kagami: "Sigh... why do you always act like a super spoiled brat?!"
She said it again.
Meito: "Okay, now that you're super done here, why don't you go back to your super classroom?"
Hibari turns her head and begins staring at me with a blank expression as if she only noticed me now.
Actually it's not "as if", I can tell from her stupid face that she really didn't notice me at all.
It seems that her brain is having some difficulty at assessing the situation, but as she makes progress in assembling data and connecting informations her eyes and her open mouth slowly widen more and more.
Kagami: "What the hell are you doing here?! Stupid Oda!"
Meito: "What am I doing here? What are you doing here! This is my classroom!"
Kagami: "Eeeeh?! Since when?!"
Meito: "Since the beginning of the school year! How couldn't you have noticed all this time?"
Kagami: "Shut up! I thought you were skipping school!"
Meito: "Are you for real?!"
You might not believe it, but the president of the female basket club, who's standing in front of me, is incredibly short. She's almost as short as Junko and that means I'm almost twice her size. Right now we probably look like an oddly matched pair of comedians.
Kagami: "Uggaaah! I told you to shut up! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"
Meito: "Get the hell out of here already..."
Kagami: "Hmph, I'll be going! Your stupidity would infect me, if I stayed here any longer."
That's my line!
Kagami: "Hitomi! Don't forget you have a super special intensive training after school! Don't be late!"
Hitomi: "Yeah, yeah..."
Kagami: "Hmph, stupid Oda!"
She walks away while glaring at me with resentful eyes. And she keeps walking, and she keeps glaring at me. And, let me tell you, walking while not watching were you are going isn't the smartest idea. When Hibari finally turns her face ahead, she does it just in time to crash it violently against the door.
That's the president of the basket club for you, godlike reflexes!
I can't even laugh to that, it's just too pathetic...
Now, I must be honest, when she's on the field she's a pretty good player. As long as she doesn't get distracted or she isn't particularly nervous, she's pretty much unstoppable. While Hitomi with her stature makes a strong "power forward" and an exceptional shooter, Hibari with her small frame and natural swiftness is the perfect "point guard".
However it appears she needs to enter into "match mode" in order to take advantage of her talents, and that takes her a few seconds. Normally she tends to be a total klutz. My theory is that her brain can only operate under well defined conditions.
One thing is for sure though, her head isn't going to get any better if she keeps bumping it everywhere. From the look of it, she must have hit it pretty hard. She's holding her forehead with both hands and I see a few tears flowing from her eyes.
She turns to me with an expression filled with shame and frustration. Her face is completely red.
Kagami: "S... s... stupid Oda!"
Meito: "Why am I stupid now? I haven't said or done anything!"
Kagami: "You... you're just stupid! You don't need a reason!"
Meito: "That doesn't make any sense!"
Kagami: "See! You just don't get it! Ha ha ha ha! Stupid! Stupid!"
Meito: "Get out! Get out already!"
Kagami: "I'm going! Who wants to stay here anyway?!"
Meito: "Then go!"
Kagami: "I'm going!"
Meito: "Good! Don't hit your head again! We need the door in one piece!"
Kagami: "Uggaaah! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!"
And, while repeating "stupid" over and over, she finally leaves.
Ladies and gentlemen, what you've just seen was Kagami Hibari in one of her best performances! Applause, please!
I'm not sure if you have realized it by now, I don't want to risk that you'll remain with the doubt, therefore let me say it with perfectly clarity: Kagami Hibari is a total moron.
I'm not saying it with malice or to disparage her, I'm just stating a fact, everyone knows that for a certainty. Her grades are even worse than mine, that says it all. At least I have the excuse of not studying, but she? She actually tries her best, and her best is still less than my worst.
Sumomo: "Hibari-san sure is a funny person, isn't she?"
Oh, my angelic Sumomo... your soul is so pure! You always look at the good side in every thing!
Hitomi: "She would be funnier if she wasn't always bossing me around! But I admit it's very funny when she and the useless man argue like little kids!"
Meito: "Kh... you're more of a little kid than I am!"
Sumomo: "At any rate we should start eating, time is running out."
Sumomo's words suddenly brings me to a terrible realization. I hurriedly look at my watch and as I feared the hands moved faster that I imagined. This is terrible!
Meito: "Uoooh!!! Damn it! All is lost! It's too late now!"
Sumomo: "Uh? What's wrong, Meito-kun?"
Meito: "All is wrong! It's a tragedy! This is the final line for me... I won't survive to see the end of this day!"
Hitomi: "Stop being so melodramatic and tell us what's the matter already, useless man!"
Meito: "You don't understand... I can already sense the excruciating pain growing inside of me, soon it will devour my entire existence..."
Hitomi: "I have no idea what you're talking about, talk like a human being!"
Meito: "The only way to cure my disease was to reach the cafeteria before everyone else, so to conquer the most sought commodity of this school! But it's too late now... the war has already started and it would be meaningless to join it now. I have no choice but to face pain and starvation all by myself... forgotten by friends and foes..."
Hitomi: "Aaah... so that's how it is... Why couldn't you simply say that you lost your chance at getting the best food from the cafeteria? Come on, go there already, useless man! There's bound to be leftovers for you to eat, you won't die."
Meito: "That won't do! The leftovers aren't enough to soothe my pain!"
Hitomi: "Hey... give it a rest, you're scaring me."
Sumomo: "I see! I've got a wonderful idea!"
Sumomo: "We have brought our bento from home, right Hitomi? If we both share some for Meito-kun, there should be enough for the three of us."
Praised be Yahweh, Allah, Amaterasu, Brahman, Ahura Mazda, Azathoth or whoever created this universe! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! A world where I can receive the blessing of Sumomo's homemade cooking must be indeed the best of all possible worlds! I'll never be grateful enough for making this dream a reality!
Hitomi: "No way!"
Don't you dare destroying my happiness, Hitomi!
Hitomi: "Why do I need to share my food with this useless man? Didn't you hear what Kagamin said? I have a super special intensive training in the afternoon, I need all the energy I can get."
Damn you, Hitomi! Hibari too! How dare you disrupting my dreams! And why do you keep repeating that ridiculous list of random adjectives each time!
Sumomo: "Hmm... you have a point."
Meito: "Hey, hey... wait! Wait a second! Hitomi, you can't fool me! I know you always bring more food than you can eat! Do not underestimate the knowledge of a childhood friend!"
Hitomi: "Well... so? What's your point?"
Meito: "Kh... come on! Do me a favor just for this time!"
Read between the damn lines, Hitomi! You should know why I'm insisting so much!
Hitomi: "What's in it for me?"
You damn female devil! You commodifier of dreams!
This is no good. If I can't come up with something quickly, not only I will lose a once in a lifetime chance to savor Sumomo's homemade cooking, I will also end up starving for the rest of the day!
Please, think of something! Think of something! Think of something!
I'm about to lose any hope when I hear the sound of a single clap.
Sumomo: "I see, I've got a wonderful idea!"
My savior! My heart, once again filled with hopes, basks in a sea of divine light.
Sumomo: "Why don't we turn it into a challenge? My cooking skills versus Hitomi's cooking skills. Meito-kun will be the judge! What do you think, Hitomi?"
Genius! Sumomo you're a genius! There's no way Hitomi will turn down a challenge like this! This is simply brilliant! What will you do now, Hitomi?! Mu ha ha ha! Refuse the confrontation, if you dare, but that would be the same as admitting defeat! However, even if you accept, there's just no way for you to win! Today I will finally teach you how bitter is the taste of defeat! Come on, let us hear your answer!
Hitomi grins. I see, she isn't the kind of girl that can abandon herself to despair, but that's just perfect for me!
Hitomi: "All right, challenge accepted."
Hitomi: "But if it's a challenge, then we need to bet something. What do you say, Sumomo-chan?"
Sumomo: "Looks like fun... as long as it's something reasonable, it's okay with me."
Hitomi: "What about your cell strap? I always liked it, it's super cute."
Sumomo: "Oh no, your cell strap is a lot cuter than mine, I always envied it."
Hitomi: "Then... it's decided!"
Sumomo's cell strap? Come to think of it, I've never seen her with a cell phone in her hands. Of course I've never had many chances to see her outside of the school grounds. She is a model student, she would never use a cell phone here.
I want to see it... I want to see Sumomo's super cute cell strap!
As for Hitomi, if I remember correctly, she has a sort of strange alien cat. How is that thing even remotely cute? I'm sure Sumomo was just trying to be polite.
At any rate, not like there was any chance to begin with, but there's simply no way I can let Hitomi win now.